Last night after work Eric and I went out to this bar and then went over to our manager Tim's apartment. Well we went to go pick up Eric's roomate and our friend Jonathan and then we went over to Tim's. After we were there for like about a hour or so and everyone was busy playing a stupid video game and I didn't want to play.
So since I was in there and didn't really have anything to do but just sit there. I decided I'd call Lucas b/c I need to ask him something and also I just needed someone to talk to at the moment.
Well then when I came back upstairs from using the phone Tim said that they thought I had left and I said no I just went to use the phone for a few minutes b/c I needed to talk to Lucas for a few minutes.
Then about I'd say 30-45 minutes later while everyone was out on the porch I was inside just sitting there on this bar stool inside. Then Tim comes in and says that I looked like I was ready to leave, and in a way I was but I didn't want to make Eric and Jonathan leave just yet.
So then on the way home Eric kept asking me over and over again what was wrong and I told him nothing but he didn't believe me. Once we got back to his house and I was dropping him and Jonathan off he got out of the car and he kept saying to me that I should have said something to him when I was ready to leave and we would have left sooner.
He then went on and said that I apparently didn't listen to anything that he said to me 2 nights ago when we talked about how I need to start speaking up and saying things that are on my mind. What I guess he forgot was earlier when we came to pick up Jonathan and Eric was giving me a hard time and teasing me about how I kind of hit the curb I said to him to not do that because honsetly it hurts my feelings when I get made fun of for things and it keeps going on and on.
After he said that I didn't listen to what he said to me a couple nights ago I got upset because I did and if I really wanted to leave I would have said something but apparently and according to him I acted like I wanted to go and did that rather than say something to him. Which is a load of bullshit because I would have said something that I was ready to leave when I was damn good and ready to leave.
So after I tried to continue to argue with him and he got out of the car and went inside I went home and Ashlen wasn't there. I hate it whenever I am at home alone and I'm upset b/c I just feel really alone and I get kind of scared, especially in that big house when it's dark and at night. I told him I'd call him when I got home and I did after I got dressed and ready for bed.
When I called him I was hoping that maybe he'd talk to me a little more and let me explain myself some more. But nooooo he was too busy playing video games with Jonathan, so I just text him to tell him that I was home by myself and I didn't want to be.
After I guess I had fallen asleep for about a hour I heard my message alert go off and I look and it's Eric and him saying he wanted me to come over. So I got up and I went over there b/c I really didn't want to be there by myself anymore. I know I probably shouldn't have but I really just didn't want to want to be alone last night.
It's like this I agree that I do need to stick up more and say what's on my mind but a lot of the time I'm scared when I do as to how people will react. I think that's probably why Eric thought I didn't listen to him but I did and I totally understand why he said all that to me the other night.
I'm tired and scared of being alone and not heard is my main thing.
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